Are you a bad negotiator?

Young professionals often ask me how they can become an effective negotiator. Their curiosity is apt; successful negotiation creates opportunity. Its relevance is as universal as it is undeniable.

Effective negotiators are either shaped by experience or possess an intuitive flare from an early age. For those who find negotiation to be an unnatural process, even intimidating, rest assured that experience cultivates instinct. Your confidence will evolve with time and, remember, every bad experience will help prepare you for the next round.

If, however, you find negotiating an intuitive process, I urge caution early on. While influence is a profound skill to possess, it can be dangerous without the requisite life experience to harness it appropriately. I fell into this trap early in my career. I didn’t manage my influence delicately (see my piece “Career Curveballs” for the full story).

No matter which category you might fall into, here are some principles to help hone your negotiation skills:

See them as an equal

It doesn’t matter what their seniority, the second you look in awe or nervous in front of your challenger, you’ll immediately put yourself behind the eight ball. Whatever the stakes are, and whomever you’re sitting across the table from, remind yourself that this is supposed to be an equal playing field.

Disarm them with the personal approach

Many would disagree with this, but an approach that’s always worked for me is fusing the personal with the professional during negotiations. It’s easy for the challenger to misinterpret friendliness and humility as a soft touch – something for them to exploit. This is exactly what you’re after. When the conversation narrows down to its inevitable ‘pointy end’, you’ve remained pleasant, personal and hospitable regardless of the tensions that maybe arising at a significant point in the negotiation. They will begin to realise they need to readjust their approach because your pleasant ways remain intact even though the tone of the conversation has heightened. It will appear that you are not easily ruffled because of your consistent, personable persona. Being underestimated presents a great psychological advantage.

Watch their eyes

I’ve always believed that people’s eyes speak louder than words. Keep your eyes fixed on the person as they speak, and be attentive to any deviations of expression that might contradict what they’re trying to convince you of. It’s a great way of not just establishing whether you believe them, but also of whether they believe you.

Know your boundaries

Ensure you have a clear knowledge of your negotiation boundaries before walking into the room. Knowing your limits, when you can confidently accept or walk away is essential in ensuring you don’t over commit in the heat of the moment. If you’re relatively junior, ensure to get some time with your boss to clearly establish your bargaining parameters prior to the meeting.

Let them know that you’re willing to walk

My central belief as a leader is that one must exhibit the courage to fail. In other words, chase the agreed vision without fear or favour. With respect to negotiation, you must always be willing (at the right moment) to get up and walk away. Many negotiations are a ceremony of theatre. Your challenger must believe that you are willing, in the wrong set of circumstances, to walk away from the table. If all your tone and body language emits the message that you must conclude this negotiation, your challenger will use that to their advantage. The power to walk is unassailable in any negotiation. In my many years of experience, there are very few circumstances that walking is not an option. Remember, it’s not about you or your ego: it’s about the outcome. The willingness to fail can often be your silent friend.

This article is published in collaboration with LinkedIn. Publication does not imply endorsement of views by the World Economic Forum.

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Author: Alex Malley FCPA is the chief executive of CPA Australia and the host of the Nine Network television series The Bottom Line.

Image: Two men shake hands. UNICS REUTERS/Jim Young.